“The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problem.” Mahatma Ghandi

When I was at a Pilates class recently, the physiotherapist told me to keep going until the muscles I was working on fatigued. Over the years I have trained with fitness trainers and I was familiar with the “no pain no gain” approach, so I pushed until the muscles stung and quivered. There is always this light-hearted banter in our group about what a hard taskmaster she is. To be fair, she explained that it was at that point of fatigue or “stress” that the most benefit was gained. The quote from Ghandi came to my mind and triggered some thinking about our general tendency to avoid discomfort and stress.

I was discussing this with a fitness trainer and he commented that, the reluctance to push until fatigued was the reason many people do not make the fitness progress they are capable of (or want). For example, walking regularly is good exercise but if you do not set a pace that leaves you somewhat short of breath, you are unlikely to improve your cardio-vascular fitness. Do we need trainers to get us to that point of fatigue and discomfort because many of us are unlikely to get there on our own?

This is about the connection between our physical body and our thinking and emotions. The discomfort we feel as we approach a state of fatigue is feedback that we are taking this particular part of our bodies beyond what is comfortable. Generally speaking, if we don’t like it or if we don’t have a compelling reason to keep going, we stop. It is our thinking and emotions, not our body, that stop us from pushing into the point of discomfort that is needed for real progress or improvement.

Just to be clear here, I am not talking about exercising to the point of injury. There are some of us who can push too far and too hard. I am referring to the tendency to protect ourselves from discomfort or stress, by stopping or easing back, before the benefit has been gained.

There are powerful lessons here for other areas of our lives.

 We seem to have developed this belief that things should not be uncomfortable. Stress or discomfort is seen as “bad” while being comfortable as “good”. When an event or relationship triggers stress or discomfort (sometimes just feeling terrible/bad/wrong or able to name emotions such as angry, sad, frustrated, indignant), we automatically act to shift or relieve that feeling. It is about bringing ourselves back into our comfort zone but it may not be consciously choosing to do that. We use all sorts of techniques and habits such as distraction or dulling our minds, ringing someone who will agree with us, or acting out our anger or self-pity. Of course, just like exercising within your comfort zone, nothing really improves. The feeling may shift but sooner or later, it comes back.

So what does this mean? Well, for one thing, stress and discomfort are feedback. They are neither good nor bad – that is just the meaning you put on the experience. The feedback is – “you are out of your comfort zone” and probably at a point where there is a benefit, an opportunity for learning or growth. So, when you feel stress or discomfort, whether it is from a situation, a relationship or when exercising, try facing it and looking for the opportunity. Seek to understand what it is about (there is often something we can’t see in the moment), if necessary seek advice and clarity, not just comfort, and then choose what you are going to do.

Finally, to return to my original thought, we are always capable of going further than we thought we could. Without realising it, we have placed our own limitations on what we think we are capable of. So for everyone, in some area of your life – you know the one; there is always more, more of you, more in you and more for you.